Dating after divorce could be a far-fetched thought for women. Almost every individual has dealt with breakups, but divorce is at a totally different level. According to researchers, divorce comes under the most stressful life events. Ending a marriage makes you rethink every niche of your life. You start doubting the word love, and sometimes, even, yourself.
And when you think of dating again after that trauma, you may find yourself resisting that idea. As you wouldn’t want your kids and yourself to go through the same thing. But, doesn’t it mean that you are judging your future based on your past?
Your past must not hold you back from finding happiness again with another person. Even the experts believe that divorce after the 40s, or 50s, actually improves the quality of your future relationships.
So, you don’t have to hold back and should go out and meet people. Some women find it easy dating after divorce because this time, they know, what to look for in their potential future date. And some find it difficult. Either way, you should read the ground rules you need to set for dating:
Make sure you are actually over your ex and ready to date:
This topic should be your number one rule. As the ink may be dry on your divorce papers, but that doesn’t prove that you have moved on. If you are still talking and thinking about your ex-husband, be it praising him or hating him, it means you need more time. You shouldn’t get your hands into the dating scene until you are sure about your current situation. As the experience can become very dirty for you.
Moving on is a slow and extensive process. The process of moving on is like a marathon and not a sprint. You have to take your time to heal and let the resentment go. This phase is the only way you can have a healthy relationship again. Therefore, do not go ahead until you get a green signal.
You can be more practical and less romantic, about the dating process:
Since you have passed the first phase, and you are ready to date again. But this time you are a totally different person. This time you are a woman who is dating after divorce. You are aware of your wants and do not want. You understand the signs that tell you to take a step back when needed.
Being practical doesn’t mean your behavior and expectations are irrational. You know better than those who have not gone through the same phase. Realism in dating is a boon, but cynicism is not. The latter is the sign that someone might not be ready to be in a long-term relationship. O’Keefe says that the secret isn’t about avoiding someone with baggage, but it is about finding someone with matching luggage.
Hence, divorced individuals are more likely to be a refreshing infusion to the dating pool. It’s the honesty and directness that set up a strong foundation for a relationship.
Jumping Into The World of Online Dating:
We are living in a technological era. Everything you want is you can get it online. Yes, you heard it correctly, you can even find a person for dating online. There are several sites and applications like Match.com or tinder, who works for you to find people.
However, dating online nowadays can be scary and risky for newcomers. Michelle, a 54-year-old woman, was asked about her experience of dating online after two divorces. According to Michelle “When online dating just started, people were more sincere and less cynical.”
Therefore you have to be careful before you take your relationship to another level. Also, make sure that your safety is your utmost priority.
Take precautions like not sharing any personal information, meeting only in public places. Also do inform your friend about your plans.
Yes, Age gap matters:
You will find many early indications like their maturity level (which comes with experience) that can cause your relationship to crumble. And one of them is the age gap.
Let’s be honest here when it comes to love and dating we live in a lawless era. We go with the flow and don’t let us worry about the consequences. When things come to love, we forget to use our common sense, and, later we sit with our hands on our heads.
Statements like “Age doesn’t matter”, ” Age is just a number” are good for our hearing senses. They are good topics to debate and think about when you are alone. But when things come to be practical, they fail.
According to the stats, the bigger the age gap, the shorter your relationship will be. In terms of numbers, 95% more likely, your relationship will fail, if the age gap is 20 years. It’s not the age gap that is the cause of the failure of a relationship. It’s the gap between thinking and experience, that takes any relationship to its destination.
Don’t Deny the fact that you have children:
According to a Dutch study, divorce reduces one’s chance of having a new relationship, slightly more for women. And children reduces the chances more. Therefore we understand that you will be hesitating to mention the details. As you don’t want to scare off a potential date.
But hiding the obvious facts won’t get you anywhere. Once your date finds out about you having a child, would make them feel tricked. It is even morally unethical to lie about your child status. It can create many issues for you and your dating partner.
The best moment to reveal your previous marriage and child is the time when you will be delving into the facts of your past. Tell them directly without moulding the information. You don’t have to go into details, as it can make the conversation awkward. If your new lover doesn’t warm up to your kids, you may have to end the relationship.
When a woman starts dating after divorce means speaks volumes about her strength. However, they need to know about a few things before that. In this article, we talked about the facts and ground rules that you will not find anywhere else. So, be strong and start again.