Women after divorce face a lot of struggles. A divorce is a life-changing event in a woman’s life. It’s the most difficult decision that can affect both her and her children lives. No matter how much you think you are ready for it, you will never feel prepared enough. The divorce converts all those happy moments with your husband into a nightmare.
But Do you feel like divorce is the end of your life?. No, it’s not. No matter how hard things get after that, life keeps going on. And it’s up to you whether you want to move on or remain stuck in your memories.
Do you want to put your divorce behind you and restart your life? Since, you are reading this article, which means you have already taken your first step.
Before looking for solutions, we should first understand the problems. If you are not aware of the root cause of the problem, you will never be able to deal with it. So, let us try to understand the difficulties, that is, making it hard for you to move on. And then we will shift to the answers that will explain to you on how to move on.
The reasons why people can’t move on:
Here are the reasons why women find it difficult to move on after divorce: how to move on after divorce
HOLDING GRUDGES AGAINST YOUR HUSBAND:
One of the reasons why women fail to move on is because of the grudge they hold against their ex-husbands.
We know that forgiving the person who did wrong to you, is not an easy task. But you should also be aware that, not forgiving him does not affect him in any way.
The only person that will get hurt is you. By holding a grudge against him, you are only allowing yourself to be a prisoner to his actions. You are giving him the freedom to affect your emotions and your feelings.
After divorce WOMEN Grasps the pain of loss:
It’s human nature that after losing everything, we try to grasp on whatever there is left to hold on. Therefore, in most of the cases, women after divorce, what’s left is the pain.
And so women often mark the pain as a thing that they owe. They claim it, protect it, and even defend it. A woman believes that this pain can become their identity. They think that if they have pain, people will care about them more. People will nurture them and treat them way better in contrast to when they are not in pain.
This mentality often leads women to self sympathy path. And if continued for a longer-term, it becomes a loop, that you would never be able to get out of one.
Isolation often leads to depression:
Women after the divorce, are more vulnerable and sensitive to emotions. And, we often feel ashamed because of our vulnerabilities and want to hide them from the world. So, we hideaways from those prying eyes until we think that we have formed enough walls not to let someone else in.
Although it’s totally understandable that you want to spend some alone time to give yourself some space. It seems safe for the shorter-term, but deadly in long term.
When you isolate yourself, you miss all the opportunities to know about the other perspectives. You may even start having social anxieties that could lead to more problems. Therefore, isolation is not the solution to move on. Isolation is like a swamp once you are in, you can never get out of it.
Ignoring Self Care:
One of the extensive hurdles for women after a divorce is that they have to bear the sole burden of their children. And therefore they push their own care aside.
You have to understand that your responsibility is not only to take care of your children. But it is also your responsibility to take care of your own. If you keep on sacrificing yourself for others, how will you teach your kids to take care of themselves?
Even though you are a mother, remember you are a person too. You also need care and love. Furthermore, you have to be the best person before you become the best mother.
How women after divorce Will be Able to Move On:
Now, that you know what things you are doing wrong, let’s see what constructive steps you can take.
Mourn All you want and Let it Go:
“Your experience of your marriage and divorce is always related to emotions. And there will be emotions that have to do something with grief” says psychotherapist Florence Falk.
You will be feeling remorse for the things you did or didn’t do. There will be a time when you will be dwelling on the thoughts like what you did wrong to deserve this.
During these times don’t hold yourself back, mourn all you want, let it out what you have been holding in your heart. Remember that the sun shines the most after heavy rainfall.
Understand and work through your feelings:
This part is one of the most crucial things that is a must for you. You have to be aware of your feelings and emotions, whether it’s anger, regret, sorrow, or depression. First, understand them and then find a way to work through the lingering emotions.
Also, you don’t have to go through all of it alone. Talk to your friends and families and share your thoughts. You can also talk out your feelings with a therapist.
Thinking about your past again and again won’t do any good to you. You have your whole beautiful life waiting for you. Don’t kill those possibilities because of your past life.
Have a distraction and Get A Hobby:
Was there something that you wanted to do before marriage? Like you wanted to learn playing the piano, or sketching, or anything. Then this is the best time that you start taking lessons for the same.
The best way to stop your lingering thoughts from the demise of your marriage is to distract yourself with a constructive habit. A hobby can also be a medium to express your emotions. Therefore, try to convert all that pain into an amazing piece of writing, dancing, or a song. You are worthy of all the praises.
Moving On happens when you want it to make it happen. We never claim it’s easy but, it’s worth it. You are worthy of everything that you want to be and want to do.